Hurting

I don't understand anything right now. I don't understand why I am the way I am or why things aren't seeming to go right. I don't know why I am so worried. Or why I worry & stress myself into sickness, anxiety and depression. I don't understand why I lose full control of myself when I cant control the other side. I shouldn't let it bother me. I should accept and let go - you can never control anyone else but you. I know the reason is that I'm unhappy because of myself, no one else. It's all my fault. It's a harsh and real thing - the only one who can make me happy is me. So why can't I do that for myself? Why am I hurting all the time? Why am I failing? Why do I feel like a failure & a waste of space? Why does anything like this have to affect me...